CLIENT LEARNS PROJECT "NOT A TOP PRIORITY"

The Deliverable Corporate Affairs Desk

NEW YORK — Chaos erupted Tuesday after a client discovered their "mission-critical" initiative ranked behind several other projects described internally as "more pressing."

Witnesses say the client was "blindsided" after learning the agency had multiple clients, each of whom had independently been assured their project was the team's "highest priority."

"This is unacceptable," the client reportedly said during an emergency status call originally scheduled to discuss timelines.

Agency executives immediately convened a cross-functional steering committee to investigate how the client had developed "accurate expectations."

"We're committed to rebuilding trust," an agency spokesperson said. "We've eliminated all nine positions of everyone in that email thread. Going forward, we'll continue treating every request as our highest priority while making no changes to the underlying prioritization process."

Three more positions were eliminated shortly after the agency spokesperson released that statement after an internal investigation concluded there were names BCC'd in the email as well.

"We're not leaving any stones unturned here," the agency reiterated, "any co-conspirators will be brought to justice. Our clients are the reason we get out of bed in the morning. We can't ever let this happen again."

Sources close to the account confirmed the project was upgraded from Highest Priority to Highest-Highest Priority, a designation reserved for work requiring completion by end of day despite having not existed that morning.

Meanwhile, employees familiar with the matter reported several previously mission-critical initiatives had quietly been downgraded to "next sprint", "parking lot", and "let's revisit after the QBR."